Abbi's Adventure[STORY]

Creative Section
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“Hi there, I’m the champion of the Sinnoh region. I became champion last month actually. Oops, I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Abbi. Champion of the Sinnoh region. Well, let see to how I became champion and how my journey went!”

It all started the day after I turned 10, I was running with my Mareep, to the Pokemon Lab that Professor Rowan owns. I knocked on the door when I got to his lab, incase he wasn’t home. He was home and he let me come in, so Mareep and I came in. He offered me 3 Pokemon, Chimchar, Piplup and Turtwig. I asked him if I could use my Mareep as my partner for my journey, he said I could. He gaves me a Pokedex and 5 Pokeballs, then he taught me how to catch Pokemon. I headed off to tell my Mom that I was going to go on a Pokemon journey! She was very proud of me she gave me a pair of new, shining running shoes!

I ran into Route 201 with excitement. I ran into about 5 Starly on the way, but my Mareep thundershocked them for me so I wouldn’t get hurt. I ran into the Pokemon Centre to heal my Mareep from it’s hard work. I ran into Route 202, encountering no Pokemon. A youngster called Tristan came up and battled me. I enjoyed the battle but my Mareep thundershocked his Starly he sent out, it fainted instantly. Another trainer called Lass Natalie battled me too, same with Youngster Logan, all 3 were very fun to battle. I saw tall buildings in the background, I entered Jubilife City.

I healed my Mareep which was tired from battling hard. I went to see if I could find any wild Pokemon up north of Jubilife, so I headed north from Jubilife City and seared in the tall grass. I got attacked by a wild Pokemon. This Pokemon was a rare sight to see everywhere basically! It was a Piplup! I commanded Mareep to use Tackle for it to be weakened. I threw a Pokeball at the Piplup. ‘I have just caught a Piplup!’ were the only words that came to mind. I rushed to the Pokemon Centre to heal up this Piplup I just caught.

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I decided to go east from Jubilife, until I was stopped by a trainer called Bailey. He said he wouldn’t let me go past unless I beat him in a Pokemon battle. I felt butterflies in my stomach, I took the nerves to say yes, the battle began. Bailey sent out his Absol as my Mareep was sent out by me. Absol used Scratch on my Mareep as my Mareep fell to the ground from the scratch. Boy, this Absol was strong. Mareep had the look in her eyes that she was just getting started. I commanded Mareep to use Thundershock over and over until the Absol fainted. Absol fainted after the 5th Thundershock. Bailey returned his Absol, knowing he had lost the battle. “You’re a tough opponent. We will be rivals from here on end,” Bailey said as he wandered off.

I continued to walk in Route 203, I was stopped by more trainers this time than last time. It was too dark to go back to the Pokemon Centre. My Piplup and Mareep were both weakened from battle and couldn’t carry on any longer, then I realised that I brought potions from the Pokemart. I sprayed them onto Mareep and Piplup. We walked into Oreburgh Gate knowing the trainers would be asleep. Mareep used Thundershock to make light until it woke a hiker up and he gave us HM Rock Smash. I said thanks and wandered through the cave into Oreburgh City.

The sun rose over Oreburgh City as I saw a brown building with a sign next to it. It said “Oreburgh City Gym. Leader- Roark.” This had to be a gym to battle someone. I wanted to get tougher and I battled Roark after I beat the Gym Trainers. Piplup used Bubble on his Geodude and Onix. His Cranidos survived 1 Bubble attack which it then took Piplup down with a Headbutt. I sent in Mareep. Mareep used Thundershock 2 times which knocked out the Cranidos. Roark rewarded me with a Coal Badge, and a TM. I placed the TM in my bag and the Coal Badge inside my jacket so I wouldn’t lose it. As I was leaving Oreburgh City I saw Bailey catching a Geodude and he was successful. I continued off in the other direction so I could find the next city and hopefully challenge Bailey again.

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A W E S O M E

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Thanks, I really apprieciate it!

More to come!

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I continued my journey, battling trainers I don’t know and becoming close friends with them. I was still wondering about Bailey and if I would see him again or not. I walked by the water as I was on my way to Enterna Forest, until I slipped on a wet pepple and fell into the water. Boy, was it cold! I swam ashore, still in my wet clothes I walked around so they would dry. I stayed away from the tall grass so Pokemon wouldn’t try to drink my wet clothes. I made it to Enterna Forest, as I walked in, a girl called Cheryl was scared to go online because of something called Team Galactic.

We met many Pokemon along the way. I even caught myself a really adorable Buneary. Cheryl promised to heal my Pokemon everytime they got hurt. When we battled the last trainer, my Mareep began to glow white. Cheryl said that she was evolving. I was so excited that Mareep was finally evolving! Mareep was now a Flaaffy. We made it to the end of Enterna Forest, as I exited I bumped into Bailey. Bailey teased that he has gotten the Forest Badge from the Gym Leader. Then, he challenged me to a battle. I accepted and we began…

I sent out Flaaffy as Bailey sent out his Absol. It was a 1v1 battle again. Flaaffy used Thundershock on the Absol and landed a critical hit! Absol got up, very weakened he was still going to fight. He used Razor Wind on Flaaffy but it missed! Flaaffy used another Thundershock and Absol was down! Bailey returned Absol as he wandered off into the horizon.

I healed up my Pokemon after the battle with Bailey. I went into the Gym and battled the 4 Gym Trainers. Boy they were challenging. I decided to heal up my Pokemon then go battle the gym leader. Time passed as she was on her last Pokemon, but so was I. Flaaffy used Thundershock on her Roserade, which was very weakened. Roserade used Poison Sting and it poisoned my Flaaffy. Flaaffy used one last Thundershock and Roserade had fainted. The leader gave me a Forest Badge to go with my Coal Badge. I left the gym and headed to the Pokemon Centre for the night.

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Yay Mareep evolved~ :heart:

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I suggest making an introduction for your story. v: At first, I didn’t know what was going on. :p But yeah, nice story.

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Yeah it is a nice story isn’t it :3 :joy:

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It’s a nice story, although I would suggest adding a fair bit more detail into it, and maybe some more speech?

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A lot about good writing is setting the scene and conveying your thoughts and images through words. You want the reader to see what you see! Description is really nice in lots of stories. ^-^

I’ll take apart a paragraph and show you my thoughts.

What kind of Pokemon?

What about the Buneary was adorable to you? Could you write about some features that stood out?

Instead of saying “I was so excited that Mareep was finally evolving!” you could show what your trainer was doing. There’s this whole thing about “Show, Don’t Tell” in writing.

Instead, why don’t you do something like: “I couldn’t help but jump up and down!”

Also, could you elaborate on what evolution looks like?

A very simple sentence. I’m sure you can say something more interesting!

Eterna Forest? What does it look like? Is it humid and colorful like the Amazon? Is it cold and misty like Seattle? Does it have a cheerful feel? Is it creepy?

Although too much dialogue isn’t all too great, it would be nice to see some! Maybe something like:

“Hah! You haven’t gotten the Forest Badge, haven’t you?” Bailey sneered as he grabbed a Poke Ball. “Let’s see how good you really are! Let’s battle!”

I like where this is going, but do add some more description to your work and elaborate on some things! It’ll make for a much richer experience. c:

But most importantly, have fun writing! I’ll be keeping my eye out!

Edit: Ultimate Writing Resource

A little thing I found on my dash yesterday! I immediately tagged it with #writing ref for future reference. It’s really helpful! Why don’t you check some of those things out if you’re in need of some tips?

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Like what Agunimon said, I do suggest adding in more dialogue, or if you prefer to keep it that way, at least add in more details. There are also a few grammar mistakes here and there.

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At this point, I’d focus less on the grammar and more on the content. :3
You can do a (decently) throuough grammar check via Microsoft Word. Note, “decently” because it’s not exactly the best thing to look over your work. Another person is always best!