Reme's Fanfics

Hi. Sup. Whatever. Just gonna type random fanfictions here because of reasons. One shots. Stuff. Feel free to review!

[spoilerSpirit of Halloween - Chapter 1:34ysy9i1]I do not own PMU or pokemon! :3


Life was normal around Exbel, usually. The occasional merchant announcing a shop at their house, some Pokemon boasting about their new party members. Sometimes the rich throw their items out into the public for the poor to scramble for. Sometimes there was the beautiful melody of instruments as bards competed against each other to make their music heard.

But sometimes, there was something special. Something every Pokemon from all around the world came to see.
Holiday Cave.

It was a mysterious dungeon which came every holiday, from Easter to Halloween to Christmas. Every year, there was something special to commemorate.This year, we celebrate with festive hats and masks, that turn us into different Pokemon. Some were even rumored to turn us into legendary Pokemon in the right place. Everyone was cheerful, and scrambled for the unknown riches of Holiday Cave. This year, I"d be going.

“Immia! What are you waiting for? We"re finally going this year, and your being this slow?” Peckle, my teammate cried out. He was an impatient Floatzel, with an eye for adventure. “We still need to get the others! Where"s Yonige?” He barked out impatiently.

“Oh, I already got Yonige.” I gestured towards the Altaria next to me. Her eyes glowed with excitement.

“Then where"s Faye?” A Grovyle tapped Peckle on the shoulder.

“Right here. I was the first one here to rally us all.” She reminded him. He looked embarrassed.

“Right, right.” He grumbled. Faye was probably the only one who could put him in line.

“Let"s go, then. Maybe we"ll converge with the other teams at the entrance and form a party.” She said, looking at her watch.

Although I was new to the team, and I was just evolved, I had proved a valuable asset to the team. I could sweep Pokemon off their feet with various moves, like my powerful Psychic and Airslash. I could never miss with the ever-reliable Aura Sphere. I could easily wipe out the rock types with an Magical Leaf.

Despite all of this, Holiday Cave is much, much different. In Harmonic Tower, you could keep your moves, but you were set at the same power as everyone else. In Tanren Chambers, you had to survive with barely any items, and only your moveset and wits to help you. You also have to take the right path to achieve success. But in Holiday Cave, it was different. You couldn"t bring anything, like Tanren Chambers. You were weakened to the strength of a newly - hatched Wurmple.

In Holiday Cave, it was the best and the final dungeon for us exploration teams. The riches there were undeniably irresistible. Various Techincal Machines and rare Evolution Items that you couldn"t find anywhere else were to be sought. The challenge also attracted many Pokemon to come. It was also a chance to recruit some rare, special Pokemon onto your team. The theme of each Holiday Cave is different. This year"s Holiday Cave is Halloween. The tension in the air is evident, and teams are discussing with each other on how to work. Usually I bring up the rear in parties, and sometimes our group goes by themselves. We like to experiment with outcomes, and if we fall, we get right back up and try again.

That"s how my first exploration to Holiday Cave started.

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Well, the first chapter is okay, but it may need to be longer. Usually, a chapter is 1000 words, and yours is only 283. So I suggest to expand on the chapters.

As for the chapter itself, you did alright with definition. There’s the error of capitalizing “he” and “she” after the dialogue and not putting a comma for the periods, but the rest of the grammar looks okay from my scan over it. The start of it is great with how the town is like. But when the team members speak together, it just seems a bit off. :/ Try reading it out loud to see if it makes sense.

Alright! Thanks for the critique. This is my first time doing this, actually, and it’s nice to know someone actually reads my stuff. :3