The Story of the shy Raichu

The Story of a shy Raichu - Chapter One:

One day, in an island, far far away, was a factory named ‘‘The Factory of the eclipse’’. I have no idea what that means, though… anyways, in that factory, was lots of scientists, experimenting on Pokemon that came from different parts of the world. The thing is, the factory was pretty much a HQ for the organisation team named ‘‘Team Negative’’. Team Negative was a organisation team that kidnapped Pokemon in-order to experiment on them, making them stronger. But nobody actually knows what the whole idea is for it. All we know, is that they force Pokemon to become stronger, and then, make them there own personal slaves. If some Pokemon can’t come strong enough, they get thrown out into a Cargo Ship, and then they’re never to be seen again. The thing is, we never know when Team Negative is going to strike. They have lots of equipment, such as; Invisibility Cloak, Underground Tunnels, honestly; it’s about impossible to know when they’re going to strike. The people over the land of Granite have been worried sick. But if you live in a top class wealthy area, then most of the time you have nothing to be afraid off, because the place is packed of officers. Team Negative, what are there true objective here? Many have tried and enter the factory, but none has ever came back.

Chapter Two - The Kidnappers Strike!
It was a nice, normal day over the land of Granite. As the sun shined across it. People would go to the beach, relaxing in the sun, and swimming in the ocean. But that was all about to change, as one day, Pokemon from the forests ran away, the oceanic Pokemon were barely seen, and that more Pokemon were just vanishing while time goes. In the ‘Sticky Forest’ were two trainers, having a Pokemon Battle.
‘‘Raichu, I choose you!’’ shouted a trainer.

‘‘Drapion, I pick you!’’ shouted the other trainer.

‘‘Alright, Raichu! Lets wrap things up with Thunder!’’ commanded the trainer. ‘‘Raaaiiiichuuuuuuuuuu!!’’
Direct hit! Drapion was pretty badly hurt.

‘‘Oh no! Drapion!’’ shouted the other trainer. The Drapion got up, though it was hurt.

‘‘Alright! That’s it, Drapion! Now! Poison Tail lets go!’’ shouted the other trainer as he was confident. ‘‘Drraappioon!’’

‘‘Raichu! Dodge then use Iron Tail!’’ ‘‘Raiichuu!’’

‘‘Drapion, Poison Tail it while it dodges!’’ ‘‘Draapioon!!’’ The Drapion smacked Raichu with it’s tail, sending it flying to the rocks.

‘’…’’ The owner of the Raichu stood there, grinning.

‘‘Alright! Raichu! Noooooooow!’’ ‘‘Rai-Rai-Rai-Rai-Rai-Rai-CHHHUUUUUUUUUUU!!!’’ The Raichu ran out of the rocks, at extreme speed, and Volt Tackled the Drapion! Drapion was down!

‘‘Yeah! Raichu! Hahaha!~’’ As the trainer and Raichu hugged eachover.

‘‘You did well, Drapion. Return.’’ The trainer of Drapion walked to the owner of Raichu.

‘‘Hey, your Raichu was great. My name is Max, what’s yours?’’

‘‘Thanks, your Drapion was great as well. My name is Adam, and I plan on being the very best.’’

‘‘Well, good luck!’’


They went over to shook each overs hands, when a massive net came to Raichu. Raichu was trapped, as it struggled to get out.

‘‘H-hey! What’s going on?! Raichu! No! Raiicchhuuuu!’’ The trainer sank onto his knees.

‘‘Mweheheh, good time to have a battle kid, now, your hard efforts go to waste as we have your Raichu.’’ said a shady person.

‘‘Give me my Raichu now!’’ shouted the trainer.

‘‘Hmm. Drapion, come on out and rescue Raichu!’’

As soon as the trainer got Drapion out, another net got sent flying towards it, and bombarded it in the net, making it impossible to get out.

‘‘No! Drapion!’’ shouted Max.

‘‘Oh, look at that, another Pokemon! Come on, lets get out of here. If your wanting it back, you better go to the factory at Dragon Roost Isle. Mwehehehe! See you!’’ as they drove off.

That’s all I have for now, making some edits as I just did on chapter 2, but will be editing a lot on Chapter 1 later. Thanks! (credits to Agu)

Hiya! Some basic writing tips!

|| Dialogue ||

Always space your lines out when someone speaks!

Description blah blah blah.

“Dialogue,” said Someone.

More words here.

| | Description ||

“Somewhere in an island far, far away, was a building named “The Factory of the Eclipse”. Although no one knew what it meant, it certainly was bustling.”

All we really know is that there’s a place called the Factory of the Eclipse on some island far away. We don’t really get to hear much about the surroundings. Sure, it leaves a lot to our imagination, but it really helps if you describe the area it is located in and the feelings in the air. (Tense, bustling, ecstatic, ect.)

Anyways, you should definitely add more to those “chapters”. (Although they’re more like paragraphs right now. xD)

Keep writing! c:

Thanks, Agu. c: I’ll write more. I wasn’t finished on Chapter 1, but i’ll make sure to complete it. I’ll do better with the dialogues. Thanks!

Chapter 3 - Team Negative
‘‘Mwehehehe! This Raichu looks like it could do with a pump up!’’

‘’…Shut up, Ress. All you do is sit back, eating Cheeseburgers and drinking Vimto.’’

‘‘I’ll let you know that I was the one who captured Raichu and Drapion.’’


The shady people carried the Raichu in a cage, and took it onto an Helicopter which went south from the Forest. They got to the Factory. The air outside it was tense, as if a sudden blow of energy would rush up to your veins. They got to the ‘Power Up’ room, and took Raichu out of it’s cage. Raichu was shivering, as it bellowed out a massive loud noise from the factory, out to the open plains, and the forests, and everywhere else.

‘‘RAAAAAAIIIIICHUU!!!’’ Shouted the Raichu.

‘‘Gwaaaghhh! What is that terrible noise!?’’

‘‘It’s Echoed Voice! Grab it! Now you slackers!!’’

Team Negative tried to catch the Raichu, but the Raichu ran away. Of course, Raichu did now know which way it had to go. Raichu ran to a different room, where the Drapion was held hostage. Raichu ran up to the Drapion, using it’s Iron Tail to brake it out from the container it was held hostage in. They tried to get out from the factory, but the doors shut on them, and the alarm went off. Team Negative surrounded Raichu and Drapion.

‘‘Mweheheh! Nowhere to run now you little brats!’’

‘‘Mweheheh! Time to get you! Liepard! GO!’’

‘‘Huhuh! Seadra, go!’’

It was a battle… but there was something odd about Liepard and Seadra. They had a black aura around it.

‘‘Drapion! Use Poison Tail!’’

‘‘Raichu! Use Thunderbolt!’’ The trainers of the stolen Pokemon were back! They found the factory, and now could do a Pokemon Battle with the Team Negative.



‘‘What’s wrong, Raichu! Buckle your self together!’’

Drapion used Poison Tail, and wiped out Liepard. However, for the Seadra, it targeted for Raichu.

‘‘Seadra, use Aurora Bot!’’

Aurora Bolt? What was that? Whatever it was, a massive beam came from afar, and shot into Raichu. Raichu was almost down, until it used Volt Tackle without order from the trainer. Seadra was down. The victors were the two trainers and Drapion and Raichu!

‘‘Max! Adam! Go! Now!!’’ shouted an Officer from the sky, with a helicopter.

‘‘Grab onto this rope! We’re going, hurry up or you will get blown up!!’’

‘‘BLOWN UP?!?!’’ Max and Adam shouted.

Max and Adam climbed up the rope onto the Helicopter, and drove away. The Factory blew up, as parts of it flew past the Helicopter. Though, I fear this is not the end for Team Negative.

Note: that’s it for now, but i’ll do some more later.~

You’ve got a nice story here, but it’s a little fast-paced, especially in the second chapter. It’s probably because you weren’t being descriptive enough, but I think you’re getting better with the description now. It could still use some work, though:

The shady people carried the Raichu in a cage, and took it onto an Helicopter which went south from the Forest. They got to the Factory.

Helicopter isn’t the name of the helicopter, is it? And Forest isn’t the name of the forest. Likewise, Factory isn’t the name of the factory (unless it actually is…). So none of those words should be capitalized. Also, you say that the shady people “took [the cage] onto a helicopter which went south from the forest”. How did they take the cage onto the helicopter? How did the helicopter go south from the forest? The answers to those questions are pretty obvious, but you need to include those answers in your writing to make it descriptive. An example of a more descriptive version of this would be:

The Raichu found itself trapped in a cage. It was in what seemed to be a helicopter–a few feet away from the cage were two chairs and a dashboard with various buttons and levers. The windows on either side of the vehicle displayed a blue sky dotted with clouds and the tips of tall trees. Yes, it was definitely in a helicopter.

“Rai-chu!” the Pokemon shouted angrily, trying to find a way to escape. Unfortunately, the bars were set too close together for it to squeeze out, and the small door to the cage was locked tight. It glanced around, trying to find Adam or that Drapion or the other trainer. As far as it knew, though, no one else was around.

Suddenly, the helicopter began to land, and doors on either side opened to reveal the men who had captured the Raichu.

See? If you ask yourself questions about what’s happening, what the setting looks like, and what your character is thinking about, you can turn two sentences into over two paragraphs. :D

Anyway, keep up the good work! I want to see what happens next. I wonder why Team Negative is experimenting on Pokemon. Are they going to try and take over the world? o:

I’m sorry that i’m not very good. But i’ll try my best to add it in. Thanks. c:

Hey, it’s not that you aren’t very good! Your story idea is really interesting. You just need some practice to make the storytelling better. :D

Nice story sharky. Really like it despite what everyone is saying plese keep wrighting. :)

Thanks a lot, Ray! Those comments meant a lot to me, despite all of my errors and such. (Because I know I am really bad.) And sure, i’ll keep writing. But I won’t be doing it as much. ^o^